PIEATHALON 2018

Retro food blogging is one of those hobbies that never leaves you. It sticks to you like a sweaty pair of capri pants on a hot Summer day.

This is why every single time I try to hang up my jello molds or throw away that box of Knox Gelatin - I always ALWAYS come back. Retro food: I wish I could quit you. But I can't.

So when my old pal Yinzerella from Dinner is Served 1972 invited me to participate in this year's Pieathalon - I literally could not say no. (Even though I am still scarred for life from my last horrifying Pieathalon experience with a Nesselrode Pie -- Please check it out here on my Retro WW Experiment blog if you feel so inclined)

What is Pieathalon, you ask? Oh only the biggest international retro blogging challenge EVER. And this year is the biggest Pieathalon of all time with 24 retro bloggers participating. The Pieathalon rules are simple: Choose the most horrifying or fabulous pie recipe from your retro recipe collection, and after a random re-assignment - the lucky recipient must make it, eat it and blog about it. And then the internet basically EXPLODES with PIE.

My assignment comes from S.S. at the Book of Cookyre blog and the recipe is featured in "The Babes are Cookin' - The Liberty Babes Booster Club Cookbook". We think it is from the early 80's but the page with the date on it fell off so its anyone's guess really.

The recipe is simply called The Millionaire.  And I love it immediately. First of all - it is easy. Like really easy. We are talking NO BAKE, my friends.  Also in the category of things I love about this pie -  it calls for an entire stick of oleo and 2 cups powdered sugar right from the get go. Then you add a heavy dose of whipping cream and MORE sugar. And then you finish it all off with some crushed pineapple, chopped pecans and a pinch of clear gelatin for good measure. Oh and I almost forgot to mention that this recipe makes not one but TWO PIES.

Why is it called The Millionaire you ask? I can't say for sure, but I am guessing because this pie is RICH. AS. F#@&!

Step One: Fill Pie Shell with inordinate amounts of FAT and SUGAR 

Step Two:  Whip up more SUGAR and MORE FAT!

Step Three: Add NUTS and more SUGAR. And some pineapple.

Have I mentioned that I am a life-long Weight Watchers member? Have I also mentioned that I usually blog about salads and dietetic recipes from the 70's? Have I mentioned there hasn't been a pie in my house since...NEVER? 

Do you know what happens when a calorically-deprived woman who hasn't eaten anything but salads and boiled chicken in 20 years suddenly has 2 FREAKING MILLIONAIRE PIES in her kitchen?

Let's just say it wasn't pretty.

Here is an obligatory fancy and professional-looking picture of the final product:

INSTAGRAM READY

And here is a picture of the finished product after I completely crushed one of the pies and ate half of it straight from the pan:

NO REGRETS

And with that, my friends, you can find me on the treadmill for the next 39 days straight. Thanks to all of the Pieathalon participants and especially to our hostess, Yinzerella who organizes this whole pie extravaganza every damn year. If you have the time and you want to get all up in some Retro Pie Business – go check out the other Bloggers and their recipe challenges. 

Grab a slice of the Pieathalon!

• Aloha Meringue Pie by Unofficial Mad Men Cookbook
• Apricot Meringue Pie by Eliot's Eats
• Chocolate Mousse Pie by Kelli's Kitchen
• Dutch Peaches and Cream Pie by Vintage Recipe Cards
• French Raspberry Pie by Tortillas and Honey
• Frosty Vanilla Pie by Battenberg Belle
• Kate's Pie by Dinner is Served 1972
• Lemon Beer Sponge Pie by Homicidal Homemaker
• Marguerite Patten's Cheese Pie by Velveteen Lounge Kitsch-en
• Mock Pecan Pie by MyCustardPie.com
• Olde English Eggnog Pie by HeritageRecipeBox.com
• Peaches and Cream Tart by Culinary Adventures with Camilla
• Puddin n' Pie by The Sound of Vincent Price & Vincent Price Legacy UK
• Ritz Cracker Mock Apple Pie by Dr. Bobb's Kitschen
• Seafoam Cantaloupe Pie by Recipes4Rebels
• Strawberry Ginger Pie by Granny Pantries
• Sweet Onion Pie by Silver Screen Suppers - The Wonderful World of Film Star Eating and Drinking
• Tansey by The Nostalgic Cook
• The Millionaire by Once Upon a Salad (this recipe came from my kitchen!)
• Tyler Pie by A Day in the Life on the Farm
• Vincent Price Pineapple Meringue by Retro Food for Modern Times
• Weight Watchers "Almost a Pie" by BookClub CookBook
• Yul Brenner's Walnut Pie by Vintage Cookbookery

Seafoam on the Range

Good Golly and Heavens to Betsy! It has been a while since I posted a jell-o creation, hasn't it? Thanks for your patience as it has been a little crazy in my world. But alas! I did recently find the time to whip up a very interesting salad from the 1972 Pennsylvania Grange Cookbook.

And boy, oh boy - What a reminder that 1972 was a really special year for retro recipes...

~LEGIT~

OK. You Guys. First can I just say - THIS COOKBOOK. Oh my lawd. I can't even.

There are over 1,500 retro recipes submitted and compiled by rural housewives and farmers residing in 66 counties of Pennsylvania. This is the REAL DEAL. Let me tell you that these ladies are not playing around. The cookbook is JAMMED with over 500 pages of retro cooking awesomeness. I get light-headed just thinking about it. 

So you can expect to see many, many more jello adventures from this cookbook. But for now, we begin with...

When I began working on this salad, my biggest quesrion was - I wonder what color it will turn out to be?? That was very exciting to imagine. The ingredients came together quite easily. But - as always this step resembles something that you might find in the halls of a pre-school during the stomach flu season.

Ew.

I decided to use my heart shaped mold since Valentine's Day is coming up...

As you can see, there is nothing better than opening up the refrigerator door to find a heart shaped jello mold doing its thing.

Love is in the Air

The unmolding was pretty simple. No layers, no frills. So that's always a relief. I was actually a bit disappointed in the color, though. I expected it to be brighter. Like toxic waste, or something. But the chunks of red cherry and specks of brown chopped nuts really added a flair to the presentation of the seafoam green delight. Dontcha think?

To be honest, I had my doubts about this one. But there was no avoiding this next step. That's just how we roll - If you have come this far, you gotta go all the way. So slice off a big slab and take a bite.

Oh - by the way, that cherry fell out of the mold when I sliced it. So I picked it up from the floor and used it as a garnish. Yep. I am classy.

Here We Go!

THE VERDICT:  Totally, 100% completely tasty! In fact this may be the best mold I have made yet! Or perhaps I was just happy to eat something that didn't make me gag a little. Who knows.

Pink Fluff Salad

You voted for it on my Facebook page. You said you wanted it. So here it is: the fluffy salad!

I do enjoy a fluffy pink salad, and have made them before. Remember the "Pink Thing" I made on the old Retro WW blog?

Ew.

Well if you thought that one was bad. Wait until you get a load of this one.

I found the recipe in my Weight Watchers HOT STUFF Magazine (volume 10) circa 1978. Immediately I was drawn in by the name of the recipe: "Pink Fluff". Doesn't it sound fancy??

Well it's not.

First of all, the main ingredient is Diet Red Flavored Artificially Sweetened Carbonated Beverage. I used Diet Faygo Red Pop. And then I dissolved some gelatin into it. And then I stuck it in the blender and made it "fluffy". And then I sat down and contemplated my life choices.

The Salad Maker!

Next up: I chopped up some veggies and an apple. Cabbage, celery and Fuji to be exact.

Why not just leave the poor fruits and veggies alone?
Why must we encase them in gelatin?
Why Why WHY!?

And then... you guessed it...I mixed it all together and chilled until it was firm. Oh boy.

I just have one teeny-tiny question.

WHY IS THIS CALLED A SALAD?!?!

Nope.

THE VERDICT:  I took one bite and spit it in the sink. Seriously. This was really foul. I mean for me to say that - you know its pretty bad. Most of you know that I have eaten some really nasty stuff, but this is the first time I can recall actually being personally offended by a food.  

But I'll get over it. I always do. Nothing a little Listerine can't fix.